WARNING

I love warning labels. I love the subtle way they suggest that at least more than a couple of the people who will use that product are complete frekkin morons, and that an even greater number are probably incomplete frekkin morons.

That's why I have this shirt to cover my ass. Ok, actually it covers your torso, not my ass, but I digress...

frequently...

This shirt is for external use only. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If condition persists, consult your physician. Apply only to affected area. Avoid contact with skin. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Ribbed for her pleasure. Sanitized for your protection. Use only as directed. Not for weight control. Not to be used as a personal flotation device. Use only in well ventilated area. Sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Action figures sold separately. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. No user-serviceable parts inside. Some equipment shown is optional. May be inappropriate for children under 13. Slippery when wet. Keep away from open flames. Freshest if used before date printed below. All models over 18 years of age. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. For recreational use only. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. Void where prohibited. Employees and their families are not eligible. You must be present to win. No purchase necessary. Approved for veterans. Not valid in Alaska, Hawaii and Puerto Rico. Price does not include taxes. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Colors may fade with time. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not fold, tear or mutilate. Offer valid only at participating locations. No other warranty expressed or implied. List was current at time of printing. Terms are subject to change without notice. Any rebroadcast, reproduction or other use of this shirt without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited. Other restrictions may apply.

(and yes, in real life, the shirt is totally legible. I own one myself.)

Talk QWERTY to me

Have you ever sent a text message to somebody else in the same room as you? Have you ever referred to that indispensable tool at your side as a crackberry because of its addictive nature? Are you more likely to send a text message to somebody over a telephone rather than talk to them?

When I first heard of text messages, I thought it was the most stupid thing on earth. Here I am holding a telephone in my hand with a signal. I have something to say to somebody. Why would I not just call them and say hi, rather than hit a menu button to compose a new text message, and then hit, 44-33-555-555-666-#-22-666-222 just to say "Hello, Bob."

Then I realized the value of this.

Suppose all I wanted to do was say, "Hello, Bob," but Bob was a chatty one. No way I'm getting to fire off my "Hello, Bob," without hearing about his week, what's going on at home these days, what he's up to this weekend, what happened to his sister's best friend the other day at the mall, and whatever else may be on his mind.

Yes, it may take 2 seconds to say "Hello, Bob," versus 8-10 seconds to type 44-33-555-555-666-#-22-666-222, but think about it... You're not saying, "Hello, Bob," and hanging up. There's a far greater time commitment to this.

Or, how about if you do have more to say, but you are in the middle of a few things. Still, you do need to get the message out, and get some info back.

Much like email, you can respond at your leisure, without hearing, "Brian? You there still? Are you there?"

Ok. I get it now, totally.

If you do too, you may like the talk QWERTY to me shirt I just released.

And I thought I was lax LAST month...

Well, been busy again this month too. I've typically tried to post a new entry here whenever I had a new item, or just something worth talking about. Well, I've added enough items this month that if I could post daily til the end of the month, I should be able to hit them all. Today's item, goes out to a great debate topic, capital punishment.

Personally, I'm for it. You take somebody's life? Only seems fair that you should forefit your own. My only regret is that they have but one life to give for their crimes. It'd be nice if it could happen a little faster, but I guess they gotta be sure before they flick the switch, push the plunger, open the gas valve, drop the platform, pull the trigger, or whatever other ingenious ways they come up with to off these pricks.

A great dividing issue that tends to parallel capital punishment is abortion. I suppose they go hand in hand because in both cases, you're making the decision to end somebody's life, though in the case of capital punishment, the life is that of somebody who has been found to have taken the lives of others, and with abortion, the main crime of the target is to be concieved by somebody that finds the idea of their birth to be inconvenient, but hey, half of one, six dozen of the other, right?

And they have great pro-abortion slogans too, don't they? "Keep your laws off my body." Like there aren't other laws that affect your body out there. This is the only one. Oh, and if you're pregnant, isn't there another body to consider there? But my personal favorite is, "Against abortion? Don't have one." How stupidly simplistic do you have to be to buy that one? Sure. Let's translate that to other aspects of life...

Against murder? Don't kill people.

Against drunk drivers? Don't drive drunk.

Against spousal abuse? Don't beat your wife.

Against the war in Iraq? Don't fight in it.

Against child abuse? Convert to Judiasim.

Ok, that last one may have pushed it a bit... but that's the idea behind one of the latest releases from MG Apparel...

Against capital punishment? Don't kill a death row inmate.

What a month...

Well, ok... I've been lax in my posting this month. Been busy. It's all good...

And I'm still kinda busy, and don't really have much I can say at the moment either. So, I'm just gonna go standard here, and say have a happy and safe holiday season, don't drink and drive, and remember... when you do drink...


Pees can last forever.

Happy holiday, enjoy the parties, and if the bathroom line is too long, let there be pee on earth and all that good stuff.

Paleo-cons...

yeah... they can try, but if I have anything to do with it, it's not gonna work.

The big political insult of the past 10-20 years was to call somebody a liberal, and the idea was that it was synonymous with socialist or communist.

But now there seems to be an organized effort to assign the same negative connotation to the conservative label by tagging anybody right of center as a neo-con.

Well, I think there are a lot of people right of center that find that notion just as absurd as the people just slightly left of center do with the idea that they're a commie for their beliefs...

[promotional tie in]

[/promotional tie in]

It's time to embrace a new term, Paleo-Con. A Jeffersonian idea of conservatism that seems to be lost today in the Republican party - though it seems to be alive and well in the Libertarian party, which I'd really love to see make some movement towards talking, if not some real power, at least a strong voice towards influencing those in power.

Yeah, that's right. I'm conservative. And I think the idea of what makes a good conservative is being heavily corrupted these days. Why is it that a supposedly conservative government seems to be taking more rights away from people than a left of center government could ever dream of taking?

And I'm not even thinking about the patriot act stuff... I'm still on the fence about that stuff... We are in a precarious state of war here, and the way to defend ourselves is kinda f'ed up right now - not saying it's good, but not saying its bad either...

No, I'm talking about smaller rights. Rights that, when taken away seem to be viewed as popular. How many states have take away people's right to smoke in a bar now?

I know, who gives a shit about smokers? They make the world we live in smell bad. Yeah. I know. I've recently quit myself. And yes. The laws here in NJ recently passed make it easier for me to enjoy my nights out at a bar, but the idea that the government can decide to do that for me pisses me off to no end. If people wanted smoke free bars, some bar owner would have made his bar smoke-free, and it'd be the hottest place in town. Why didn't it happen? Because people that go to bars generally either smoke, or don't really care when people around them do.

What's next? Ban the overuse of perfume? Oh, wait... that'd piss off the AARP block. Guess that won't happen...

Still, that'd probably get some support too, but why does government get to decide this?

But I digress...

Frequently...

Ok...

[/rant]

You have the right to remain silent...

It's better not to speak and look like a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
-Mark Twain

God, no truer words have ever been spoken, especially if you hang out in a bar in NJ from time to time, which I do.

Which is why I created (yeah, obviously a promotional tie-in is going to come in to play here) this shirt...



Yeah, debate is fun, but sometimes, it'd be nice if you could convince the person talking to you that it's just time for them to shut up now...

Ban Celebrity Marriage

While registered as a Republican, I'm really somewhere between Republican and Libertarian, especially these days. Fiscally, I'm definately conservative. Too bad Republicans aren't so much anymore... Socially, I'm more libertarian.

And the one issue that REALLY rings true on that front today, I'd have to say, is the gay marriage issue. First off, why did the word "issue" even need to be stated there? Why is it a big deal to so many?

Ok, I'm a strait guy who's been married twice, though it was to the same woman both times. Long story, and irrelevant to this point, so I'll save it for another blog entry.

I've got a wonderful son, who came along 9 and a half years into the marriage, so for the first 8.75 years, we didn't participate in procreation.

We separated for a while... Do heterosexual marriages REALLY break up sometimes? Um... yeah. More than 50% I think is where the stats stand now.

What makes my union more valid than if two men or two women wanted to join? I don't have a problem with that at all.

And those of you that are against or afraid of the "gay lifestyle," YOU should be even MORE in favor of gay marriage. Think about it... Wouldn't you rather see "those people" in committed, legally binding relationships, rather than hooking up with a different partner every night and spreading the AIDS?

But anyways, that's just a small sampling of my thoughts on the matter... I don't have much time to write here, but it's been a few days, so I figured I'd put something up.

Final thoughts though, if you really want to defend the institution of marriage, (which personally, if you look at divorce rates today, is a lost cause already) you need to BAN CELEBRITY MARRIAGE. Marriage should not be a union between an actor and an actress. And that's the featured product of today's blog.