NJ Drivers suck. Every last one of them. Except for me, that is...

MG Apparel's If you can't see my mirrors... bumper sticker

If you've ever driven in the state of New Jersey, you've probably noticed something. And no, I'm not referring to a smell - unless you're down by Newark or passing a refinery on the parkway. No, what I'm talking about is far more annoying. And if you've ever smelled Newark, you realize what a bold statement that is.

No, the fact that I'm talking about is that not one person in this state, excluding, of course, myself - probably because I was born in NY, not NJ - is an absolutely terrible driver.

Now, don't get me wrong... I understand, many of them have their reasons... I mean, this is a state where, while two wrongs don't make a right, 3 rights do make a left. If you've never been here and seen the jug handle turns, don't ponder that last statement too long. Traffic circles are bad. Traffic circles with two lanes, however, just make no sense to me. I once saw a guy on the inside lane of one on a trip down the shore. When I came back that evening, he was still stuck in that inside lane.

And here's an interesting observation... ever get stuck in some really slow moving traffic? Hit the right lane. I'll bet 4 out of 5 times you'll be able to go much faster. My only theory on this one is that people here refuse to believe that they shouldn't be in the left lane - or on those 3 or more lane roads that there's no way they belong in the slow lane. And I agree. They don't. That's my express lane. Stay the fuck out of it please. Thank you.

And why is it that at least 3 out of 5 times when somebody pisses me off, they're in a BMW? Seriously, who put the BM in BMW? That's prolly gonna be my next bumper sticker, so don't steal that idea, ok?

One last thing... This is something I firmly believe. If somebody cuts into your lane and then goes slower than you were going, or slower than you planned on going prior to their uninvited entry to your lane, you should legally be allowed to get up along side them and push them into a jersey barrier.

Or at least you should get in front of them, where you belong, and let them know that they have caused you inconvenience and annoyance. Fortunately, while most people can't hear your screams, most NJ drivers do know a little bit of sign language.