Anna Nicole Smith

MG Apparel's Anna Nicole Smith shirt. (Also available in human sizes)

I know, I know... It's not nice to make fun of the recently departed, but some things just have to be said. Besides, when you put such a bizzare life out so publicly like that, I doubt that saying what I'm about to say would even be considered making fun of her, as much as making an observation.

If you haven't figured out who I'm talking about yet, I'm worried about you. If you're reading this, you either have internet access, or you have a wonderful friend that does and was nice enough to print my blog for you so you could read it without having to shell out the big bucks for internet access. You should thank them, and tell them I said thank you also. And you can stop reading now. This will be totally lost on you if you haven't figured it out yet.

So... Anna Nicole Smith has kicked the oxygen habit. See? If you really put your mind to it, you can give up the most addictive substance on the planet. If she can do it, anybody can. Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not laughing about this... I do feel very badly for her and what she's had to go through in the past few months. I would bet that most people who had to endure what she did would probably meet similar results.

BUT... ok. This new kid... How many people are in the paternity lineup now? Is there a signup form online yet? And how much do they charge a month for advertising there? I might have to put up an MG Apparel banner there. I bet that form would get even more traffic than this blog is getting.

Right now, we have an ex-boyfriend claiming to be the father. I wonder how long he's been an ex for... and if either of them know what it would take for him to be a candidate...

We have her current... um... what is he anyways? Sorta husband, I guess, but not really? And I love the fact that his name is Howard Stern. That's just so fitting.

And now we have Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband entering the lineup. He's like 60 years old, and Zsz Zsa's 90 now. Ok, so I guess I see what those two had in common...

Now we have a bodyguard claiming he also could be the father...

I wonder if I'm missing anybody...

And how many candidates haven't come forward...

So... am I the only one who hasn't fucked Anna Nicole Smith?