WARNING

I love warning labels. I love the subtle way they suggest that at least more than a couple of the people who will use that product are complete frekkin morons, and that an even greater number are probably incomplete frekkin morons.

That's why I have this shirt to cover my ass. Ok, actually it covers your torso, not my ass, but I digress...

frequently...

This shirt is for external use only. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If condition persists, consult your physician. Apply only to affected area. Avoid contact with skin. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Ribbed for her pleasure. Sanitized for your protection. Use only as directed. Not for weight control. Not to be used as a personal flotation device. Use only in well ventilated area. Sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Action figures sold separately. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. No user-serviceable parts inside. Some equipment shown is optional. May be inappropriate for children under 13. Slippery when wet. Keep away from open flames. Freshest if used before date printed below. All models over 18 years of age. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. For recreational use only. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. Void where prohibited. Employees and their families are not eligible. You must be present to win. No purchase necessary. Approved for veterans. Not valid in Alaska, Hawaii and Puerto Rico. Price does not include taxes. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Colors may fade with time. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not fold, tear or mutilate. Offer valid only at participating locations. No other warranty expressed or implied. List was current at time of printing. Terms are subject to change without notice. Any rebroadcast, reproduction or other use of this shirt without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited. Other restrictions may apply.

(and yes, in real life, the shirt is totally legible. I own one myself.)